How do you eat an Elephant?

This is one of my favourite pictures. Not because we did Naihanchi 100 times like this together, not because i have a super cool stance (because i don't) and not because i look especially stylish (i'll work on my mean karate face) but because every time i look at it, i'm reminded of what (in my opinion)  makes up the essence of being a part of an Okinawan Karate dojo is all about. What has drawn me in and is keeping me here. 

　空手　兄弟

(Karate Kyoudai)

絆

(Kizuna)

When i arrived at the dojo i didn't speak any Japanese and was out here by myself (on the whole). I was the odd one that wasn't a karate visitor that had come to train and i'm  not a native Okinawan that has come to start training. I didn't fit in. Which is difficult because Japanese like things to fit together and this  situation didn't. 

I remember feeling incredibly isolated; i couldn't understand the conversations and the rest of the dojo wouldn't really talk to me- i think simply because they couldn't- the dojo atmosphere as a whole felt as though there was this incredible force field and bond that they had- the ways they spoke to each other, the way the hierarchy worked, the way they trained together. 

I wanted in, but i also wanted out. 

It seemed impossible to be really a part of this, i was stuck between two dojo.

I could have taken the easy route and gone back to England, but my instinct told me to stay just a bit longer. 

And so-

I kept going back. They thought i would leave. 

Sensei asked me a lot when i would be going back to England and if i was homesick and when my Sensei was coming to get me.

I stayed. 

I'd say it took around 5 months of nearly every single day training- sometimes twice a day before the wall started coming down. Even then it was hard.

Sensei started to learn some more English. I started to learn more Japanese. They realised i wasn't going anywhere and i'm in it for the long haul. They (not just sensei- the rest of the dojo) started teaching me with miming and simple Japanese they knew i might understand. Or told me just to copy them. They started teaching me things i'd never seen before- philosophy and principles as opposed to kata and kihon.

I kept going

A friend gave me a good new idea today that sums it all up perfectly:

 'How do you eat an Elephant? 

One bite at a time

 - that's what it was- 

One class at a time. 

Now-  over 2 years later i feel like i'm a part of that unbreakable dojo family (空手　兄弟) with those bonds (絆) that keep us together, as the years go by it gets stronger and stronger.

Now the Senpai are hard on me- because they care?!! I am kohai after all. 

They give me their time and teach me what they've learnt- lots of people don't and won't get that.

I think i understand why sensei is telling me not to be a 'butterfly' and fly between dojo- 

because what I've got and been able to be a part of inside the dojo is incredibly special and strong. 

I know that no matter how hard they are on me inside the dojo- they'll be there for me. 

I'm guessing all the dojo in Okinawa (and around the world to some extent) have this and i know already from experience that being a part of two dojo isn't really viable- nor would i want to do the first five months- or even last two years as a whole- over again. 

Visiting other dojo is OK as far as i'm aware but i think we all know the 'visitors' arent taught the same things as the actual members (that's a whole new topic for another day) and so my journey and questions continue. 

In the picture, i'm surrounded by my Senpai (and Sensei) which did not come easily. 

I never imagined i'd be here and so it  is probably the coolest place in the world to be and i wouldn't want to be anywhere else. 

Great Expectations...

I recently graded and  since then I've been feeling a bit despondent and as if I've hit a wall.
Everybody knows the 'karate wall', i'm sure- you train for months and months and feel as though you aren't 'getting' any of it. Then one day, light bulb ping and you feel as though it all makes sense (not ALL of it, but something) -you break through that wall and onto another level of your training. I am sure i am not the only one to experience this.
I'm at the wall and i'm beginning to question the realistic effectiveness of my karate which is leading me to watch and look at everyone else around me.
Sure, i can do kata and i can remember the moves and make them look pretty- but would they help me if i got into trouble?
Obviously- the aim is to not get into the trouble in the first place, and i do know that karate is -and has been- so so much more than learning to properly defend myself- but would it? Have i really learnt enough to put it into practice in a real life situation?

I don't know. 

The only way to know is to get into that situation- which is the opposite of what karate is about.
Do i just trust it?
Do i trust that my sensei is teaching me what i need to know and what will help me?
Or do i take a more proactive role and go on a voyage of discovery for myself?
Isn't that what the last five years has been though?

Am i being silly here, and completely missing the point in that by being a part of the dojo and by training and trying to learn and understand this way of life, i am also learning self control, awareness of my surroundings, faster reactions and how to be the kind of person that doesn't get into a situation where karate would be needed and maybe getting out of it before it gets to the physical level?

Having a higher grade is leading me to put higher expectations upon myself- surely i should be better at it by now?
I look at my Senpai and wonder whether they could really use their karate should they ever need to and for most- i think it's so ingrained it would probably come instinctively and naturally BUT (a big but there) they (most of them) are the last people on the planet that i could ever see getting into a situation where they would need it.

I have always had Senpai to look up to. Now i'm becoming Senpai to other people- It's a daunting challenge because i know the effect that my Senpai have had on me. Especially the good ones.
I want to have a positive impact. I'd really like to help someone the way my Senpai have helped me.
I don't feel ready but time isn't waiting around for me to be ready or to feel good enough.
It's here, it's now and its happening.
I don't really know what i'm doing and still have a million and one questions of my own to find the answers to.
I'll do my best and hope i don't ruin someone else's karate journey, whilst still very much at the beginning of mine.
Maybe we can find the answers and search together.

I guess that's ultimately what it's all about, we're all on our own path but we're climbing the mountain together.

Failing to prepare is preparing to fail...

....and fail i did, today.


So, there i was in May or June deciding i needed to set some goals and achieve some things this year.

I have my Karate grading and i look at my bucket list and think 'hey, i can do a marathon, that would be a good one to cross off and get a bit fitter in the process!' and so i sign up for the Naha marathon in December.

I train for about a week, get bored and lazy and think that its so far away i can do it soon. Then life happens, i take a trip back to the UK, Karate preparations for the grading and Japanese lessons all end up taking priority.

Then, here i am about to try to do this race with no training. Zilch, Nada, Nothing. The furthest we ran was a couple of kilometres last week. Now i want my body to take me 42- with a time limit.
It goes better than expected and i get halfway before they stop me because of time restrictions. So I half did a marathon. Therefore, i still can't cross it off my bucket list. Bummer.
Here's the life lesson-
I train karate for five years- many times a week, making many hours of practice. I grade and i pass.
I decide to run a marathon and don't train, meaning i didn't finish it. I fail.
Don't get me wrong, i'm actually happy with how i did- for me, its a big personal achievement. 3 years ago i was so unhealthy and unfit that i couldn't run a hundred yards down the street (no exaggeration). Today with no proper running training i complete a half marathon in two and a half hours.
As i was running past the 11km mark and was starting to struggle, something i had read recently came into my head:

"You can't just do whatever" You meant that whatever I choose to do, I must not be aimless I must not simply spin this globe and go wherever I stick my finger Because 71% of the time I will end up in the ocean And if I do end up in the ocean I can't just do whatever, Better learn to swim.
I can't just do whatever.