I recently graded and since then I've been feeling a bit despondent and as if I've hit a wall.
Everybody knows the 'karate wall', i'm sure- you train for months and months and feel as though you aren't 'getting' any of it. Then one day, light bulb ping and you feel as though it all makes sense (not ALL of it, but something) -you break through that wall and onto another level of your training. I am sure i am not the only one to experience this.
I'm at the wall and i'm beginning to question the realistic effectiveness of my karate which is leading me to watch and look at everyone else around me.
Sure, i can do kata and i can remember the moves and make them look pretty- but would they help me if i got into trouble?
Obviously- the aim is to not get into the trouble in the first place, and i do know that karate is -and has been- so so much more than learning to properly defend myself- but would it? Have i really learnt enough to put it into practice in a real life situation?
I don't know.
The only way to know is to get into that situation- which is the opposite of what karate is about.
Do i just trust it?
Do i trust that my sensei is teaching me what i need to know and what will help me?
Or do i take a more proactive role and go on a voyage of discovery for myself?
Isn't that what the last five years has been though?
Am i being silly here, and completely missing the point in that by being a part of the dojo and by training and trying to learn and understand this way of life, i am also learning self control, awareness of my surroundings, faster reactions and how to be the kind of person that doesn't get into a situation where karate would be needed and maybe getting out of it before it gets to the physical level?
Having a higher grade is leading me to put higher expectations upon myself- surely i should be better at it by now?
I look at my Senpai and wonder whether they could really use their karate should they ever need to and for most- i think it's so ingrained it would probably come instinctively and naturally BUT (a big but there) they (most of them) are the last people on the planet that i could ever see getting into a situation where they would need it.
I have always had Senpai to look up to. Now i'm becoming Senpai to other people- It's a daunting challenge because i know the effect that my Senpai have had on me. Especially the good ones.
I want to have a positive impact. I'd really like to help someone the way my Senpai have helped me.
I don't feel ready but time isn't waiting around for me to be ready or to feel good enough.
It's here, it's now and its happening.
I don't really know what i'm doing and still have a million and one questions of my own to find the answers to.
I'll do my best and hope i don't ruin someone else's karate journey, whilst still very much at the beginning of mine.
Maybe we can find the answers and search together.
I guess that's ultimately what it's all about, we're all on our own path but we're climbing the mountain together.
So what are you going to do about it? You are most likely very correct when you say that all of us have been to that point.
ReplyDeleteSome of the old masters certainly were well known for going out and testing their skills in real life. As a woman, in Okinawa, probably not the best thing to do. But how do you test your skills. Kumite is certainly a good start though still there is a measure of safety in dojo kumite.
I have always reminded my students that if they think they are tough karateka, go start some shit with someone at some tough reputation bar and see how it comes out. Many folks out there that are very adept fighters and have never stepped foot into a dojo or rendokan.
Maybe it is important to remember that no matter how tough we think we are, there is someone tougher, right around the corner. That might not be as true for some as others but still true for most of us.
Keep a good attitude, train hard, hammer daily or at least regularly on the Makiwara and spar when you can with people better at it than you.