How do you eat an Elephant?

This is one of my favourite pictures. Not because we did Naihanchi 100 times like this together, not because i have a super cool stance (because i don't) and not because i look especially stylish (i'll work on my mean karate face) but because every time i look at it, i'm reminded of what (in my opinion)  makes up the essence of being a part of an Okinawan Karate dojo is all about. What has drawn me in and is keeping me here. 

　空手　兄弟

(Karate Kyoudai)

絆

(Kizuna)

When i arrived at the dojo i didn't speak any Japanese and was out here by myself (on the whole). I was the odd one that wasn't a karate visitor that had come to train and i'm  not a native Okinawan that has come to start training. I didn't fit in. Which is difficult because Japanese like things to fit together and this  situation didn't. 

I remember feeling incredibly isolated; i couldn't understand the conversations and the rest of the dojo wouldn't really talk to me- i think simply because they couldn't- the dojo atmosphere as a whole felt as though there was this incredible force field and bond that they had- the ways they spoke to each other, the way the hierarchy worked, the way they trained together. 

I wanted in, but i also wanted out. 

It seemed impossible to be really a part of this, i was stuck between two dojo.

I could have taken the easy route and gone back to England, but my instinct told me to stay just a bit longer. 

And so-

I kept going back. They thought i would leave. 

Sensei asked me a lot when i would be going back to England and if i was homesick and when my Sensei was coming to get me.

I stayed. 

I'd say it took around 5 months of nearly every single day training- sometimes twice a day before the wall started coming down. Even then it was hard.

Sensei started to learn some more English. I started to learn more Japanese. They realised i wasn't going anywhere and i'm in it for the long haul. They (not just sensei- the rest of the dojo) started teaching me with miming and simple Japanese they knew i might understand. Or told me just to copy them. They started teaching me things i'd never seen before- philosophy and principles as opposed to kata and kihon.

I kept going

A friend gave me a good new idea today that sums it all up perfectly:

 'How do you eat an Elephant? 

One bite at a time

 - that's what it was- 

One class at a time. 

Now-  over 2 years later i feel like i'm a part of that unbreakable dojo family (空手　兄弟) with those bonds (絆) that keep us together, as the years go by it gets stronger and stronger.

Now the Senpai are hard on me- because they care?!! I am kohai after all. 

They give me their time and teach me what they've learnt- lots of people don't and won't get that.

I think i understand why sensei is telling me not to be a 'butterfly' and fly between dojo- 

because what I've got and been able to be a part of inside the dojo is incredibly special and strong. 

I know that no matter how hard they are on me inside the dojo- they'll be there for me. 

I'm guessing all the dojo in Okinawa (and around the world to some extent) have this and i know already from experience that being a part of two dojo isn't really viable- nor would i want to do the first five months- or even last two years as a whole- over again. 

Visiting other dojo is OK as far as i'm aware but i think we all know the 'visitors' arent taught the same things as the actual members (that's a whole new topic for another day) and so my journey and questions continue. 

In the picture, i'm surrounded by my Senpai (and Sensei) which did not come easily. 

I never imagined i'd be here and so it  is probably the coolest place in the world to be and i wouldn't want to be anywhere else. 

Great Expectations...

I recently graded and  since then I've been feeling a bit despondent and as if I've hit a wall.
Everybody knows the 'karate wall', i'm sure- you train for months and months and feel as though you aren't 'getting' any of it. Then one day, light bulb ping and you feel as though it all makes sense (not ALL of it, but something) -you break through that wall and onto another level of your training. I am sure i am not the only one to experience this.
I'm at the wall and i'm beginning to question the realistic effectiveness of my karate which is leading me to watch and look at everyone else around me.
Sure, i can do kata and i can remember the moves and make them look pretty- but would they help me if i got into trouble?
Obviously- the aim is to not get into the trouble in the first place, and i do know that karate is -and has been- so so much more than learning to properly defend myself- but would it? Have i really learnt enough to put it into practice in a real life situation?

I don't know. 

The only way to know is to get into that situation- which is the opposite of what karate is about.
Do i just trust it?
Do i trust that my sensei is teaching me what i need to know and what will help me?
Or do i take a more proactive role and go on a voyage of discovery for myself?
Isn't that what the last five years has been though?

Am i being silly here, and completely missing the point in that by being a part of the dojo and by training and trying to learn and understand this way of life, i am also learning self control, awareness of my surroundings, faster reactions and how to be the kind of person that doesn't get into a situation where karate would be needed and maybe getting out of it before it gets to the physical level?

Having a higher grade is leading me to put higher expectations upon myself- surely i should be better at it by now?
I look at my Senpai and wonder whether they could really use their karate should they ever need to and for most- i think it's so ingrained it would probably come instinctively and naturally BUT (a big but there) they (most of them) are the last people on the planet that i could ever see getting into a situation where they would need it.

I have always had Senpai to look up to. Now i'm becoming Senpai to other people- It's a daunting challenge because i know the effect that my Senpai have had on me. Especially the good ones.
I want to have a positive impact. I'd really like to help someone the way my Senpai have helped me.
I don't feel ready but time isn't waiting around for me to be ready or to feel good enough.
It's here, it's now and its happening.
I don't really know what i'm doing and still have a million and one questions of my own to find the answers to.
I'll do my best and hope i don't ruin someone else's karate journey, whilst still very much at the beginning of mine.
Maybe we can find the answers and search together.

I guess that's ultimately what it's all about, we're all on our own path but we're climbing the mountain together.

Failing to prepare is preparing to fail...

....and fail i did, today.


So, there i was in May or June deciding i needed to set some goals and achieve some things this year.

I have my Karate grading and i look at my bucket list and think 'hey, i can do a marathon, that would be a good one to cross off and get a bit fitter in the process!' and so i sign up for the Naha marathon in December.

I train for about a week, get bored and lazy and think that its so far away i can do it soon. Then life happens, i take a trip back to the UK, Karate preparations for the grading and Japanese lessons all end up taking priority.

Then, here i am about to try to do this race with no training. Zilch, Nada, Nothing. The furthest we ran was a couple of kilometres last week. Now i want my body to take me 42- with a time limit.
It goes better than expected and i get halfway before they stop me because of time restrictions. So I half did a marathon. Therefore, i still can't cross it off my bucket list. Bummer.
Here's the life lesson-
I train karate for five years- many times a week, making many hours of practice. I grade and i pass.
I decide to run a marathon and don't train, meaning i didn't finish it. I fail.
Don't get me wrong, i'm actually happy with how i did- for me, its a big personal achievement. 3 years ago i was so unhealthy and unfit that i couldn't run a hundred yards down the street (no exaggeration). Today with no proper running training i complete a half marathon in two and a half hours.
As i was running past the 11km mark and was starting to struggle, something i had read recently came into my head:

"You can't just do whatever" You meant that whatever I choose to do, I must not be aimless I must not simply spin this globe and go wherever I stick my finger Because 71% of the time I will end up in the ocean And if I do end up in the ocean I can't just do whatever, Better learn to swim.
I can't just do whatever.

Nidan but Not Different...

5 years 5 months and 28 days
or 65 months and 28 days
or 286 weeks and 6 days
or 2008 days.
(I've been in Okinawa for 758 of those days)

No matter how I phrase it, it still feels as though it was only yesterday that i stepped into the Dojo in England having no idea that it would be the beginning of such a life changing journey. 
26th October 2014 has become one of the most important days in my life because that was when i came to live here. 

It was the hardest, scariest and yet the best thing I've ever done, i was immersed and immediately surrounded by the most inspirational Sensei and Senpai who have taken me in and are teaching me so much more than just world class karate, they're teaching me how to live a good life and be a good person with karate at the heart of it all.  

When i was making the decision to come here, i had a lot of doubts and uncertainties- why me, now? i'm not good enough to do it, i haven't been training long enough, i'm not fit enough, i can't speak Japanese, i shouldn't leave my current dojo, i don't have enough money- all of this really didn't matter when i found that i couldn't stop thinking about it and 'what if i could do it, wouldn't that be the coolest thing in the world?' 

I followed my heart and found a way to make karate more than just something i practice two or three times a week. I came to live in Okinawa and make karate my life-  for the time being anyway. 

If you want something enough you can find a way to make it work. I did, i stuck with it and it is paying off- although it is not easy- the work is so worth the rewards. 

This Island, is to me, the most beautiful place in the world. The landscape, the atmosphere and the general island attitude is like nothing else I've ever been a part of. The Okinawan ethos is what i aspire to- peace, kindness and good health are fundamentals and it radiates around the island. There are no strangers, everyone is seen as a friend. It's unbelievably different to where i come from. 

I know that i am still such a beginner in the karate world when surrounded by people that have been doing it far longer than i have even been alive, but i am here to learn from the very best in the world so that maybe one day i can pass on karate to the next generation. 

I think it would be such a sad thing if traditional karate ends up being lost in a generation. 

There's no magic or shortcut to it, which makes it more special. You get what you give. 

it turns out it's true what they say when they tell you that grade becomes irrelevant. 

I wont lie- when i was yellow belt- all i wanted was orange and when orange, all i wanted was green etc. Sensei has taken a lot of the 'belt restrictions' away here because every day he will teach me and help me to grow irrelevant of whether 'i'm the right grade to learn that kata'. Every day i'm learning something new and taking another step up the mountain that is karate. I hope that will continue forever. 

The day before yesterday i graded and achieved my Nidan but i woke up in the morning feeling no different. 

I'm no better at karate today than i was yesterday, or the day before that. 

I did the best i could and i'm not unhappy with how i did- but i want to be better, i want to reach the Sensei's level, and no matter how much i want it and wish for it, nothing but time and a lot of hard training sweat and bruises will get me there. 

They say you become like the five people you spend the most time with- I know my five and luckily for me they include some of the best karateka and nicest people in the world, if i can become even a little more like them i'll be a far better person for it. Do you know yours?

After Grading Party- November 2016

5 Year Karate Anniversary- May 2016

Guinness World Record Attempt on Karate Day 2016- Most people performing Kata at the same time- We're in there somewhere!!

Karate Masters' Portrait Shoot- January 2015

December 2014

Naha Karate Tournament September 2016

100 Kata Challenge 2016

Christmas 2015; Santa, Good food, Best friends and Karate

100 Kata Challenge 2016

May 2016 Dojo Training with Miyagi Senpai

Sanshin Lessons, Grading Preparation and Melon Pan...

I got a Sanshin, my very own- 'Matsuda sensei made' sanshin! Plus as a incredible bonus Matsuda sensei finally agreed to giving me regular lessons.

Today was the first one, i didn't think such a beautiful sounding instrument could be made to sound so bad but i'm doing a pretty good job of it!! While i was killing everyone in the area's ears it hit me that at one point i was right here with karate- when i didn't even have the coordination to execute gedan uke or remember the moves to fukyugata ichi. I think of how far i've come simply by not giving up and sticking with it. I wonder what will happen if i keep at it with learning the sanshin and put as much of my heart and soul into it as i have done with Karate.
Talking of Karate, this weekend will be a very big weekend in our karate lives- both the Arakaki dojo and me personally as i attempt my Second Dan (Nidan) grade here in Okinawa with my dojo Senpai who are also grading.
We (I) are all becoming a little bit tense and nervous and after a stressful morning at school i decided that tonight is the night i will start really taking the makiwara training a bit more seriously.
I'm waiting for the criticism to come because i haven't started the makiwara training seriously earlier in my training however i've played about with it in the past and neither of my sensei have pushed the matter- they have let me decide when and if i try it and all previous attempts led to skinned, sore, ugly knuckles and the feeling of not really learning anything from it whereas tonight i surprised myself when i did 60 strikes on each knuckle with no slipping and no bleeding. I also found that i had a very different mindset to all other times- this was almost like stepping into a bubble- like doing a kata. It felt peaceful and calming, yet strong and focused. i feel like i'm at a stage now where i've developed karate technique enough to hit the makiwara and grow from it rather than injure myself.
I also fell back into one of my incredible weaknesses when i got the melon pan from the bakery i was walking past today. i forgot how much i loved melon pan.

Ears, friends and my best hoodie yet

I didn't appreciate how healthy I was until the last two weeks. It all started with a sore tooth, I think I'll be all responsible and go get it taken care of. I have my tooth out and then three days later I wake up with such sore ears and spend the weekend in quite a lot of pain and getting more deaf. Then Sunday night I wake up every hour or so really really hurting and I can't find a comfortable way to sleep that's not on my head. Both my ears and my mouth is hurting (mouth way way less than my ears but still a little sore). 

So this morning I go over to James' house and he offers to save me, we go to find an ENT Doctor who I was hoping would really help. I'd really struggle if I didn't have such good buddies here, even though I regret going now, it was probably a good thing to have done, and I couldn't have without my buddies (big and small). 

She 'cleaned' my ears which was quite possibly the most horrific thing I've done ever, it felt as though she was trying to rip my eyes out through my ear with barbed wire on a stick. Then gives me a prescription, I don't actually find out what my issue is or why it's happened but at this point I'm ready to jump out the window and want to leave as soon as possible. I'm still deaf and now hurting more than before. 

We go to the pharmacy to get the meds and James goes in, I stay with Kari in the car feeling horrific, the little cutie comes and sits with me and gives me probably the best most needed cuddle I've had ever in my life :') 

James takes me home, I drink some water, throw it up (because of how crap I'm feeling probably) and go to bed. 

I've got a whole cocktail of pills and potions to take now and I'm hoping these work and in the next few days I'll be back to normal. 

My favorite new jumper has been so useful because I'm  going hot and cold, spent the afternoon in bed wrapped up in  my jumper, with my blankee and Jeff. 

If I'm right, I'm the first to have one of these karate hoodies too. I've wanted a hoodie I can wear over my gi or whenever really, that's karate related and now I have one, simple yet cool. Okinawan karate aikoka- a lover of Okinawan karate- that's me. 

When your feeling really rubbish and just want to hide, the hood comes in helpful ;) 

A Fresh Start.

What a rollercoaster of a weekend! I really had some great times and some really challenging times too! 

Firstly I got my visa extended, which has made it feel like I get I start all over again.

On Saturday morning I went back to karate after a week break because of my teeth surgery and issues -it was hard, I was still taking painkillers and still have not eaten properly for around a week now. I did my best, I can do better, I will do better soon but If I looked at it as a challenge- you might not be feeling good when you actually have to use it- a lot of the class relied on muscle memory and I think somethings going in!! 

Then onto Japanese lessons- this was a hard one because I woke up on Friday with sore ears that were kinda difficult to hear out of and it was just getting worse, we put it down to swelling from the surgery but now I can't really hear or understand English so Japanese was near on impossible. Then I took some painkillers and drank some coffee and energy gels and we did the dojo bar fashion show. That was fun. We all wore our clothes walked up and down the bar a bit and then had a bit party together.

James tricked me too! 

I come into the kitchen of the bar after the show, just so hungry, at this point a stitch had come out so my mouth felt less spiky. I find this big pot of stew that looked really yummy. So I hunt down James and ask what it is and if I can eat some- he's 'busy' but says yes but ignores the question about what it is. So of I go back to the big mystery pot and take some, looks just like beef, or maybe lamb I'm hungry so don't really care. I eat it, it's good. James appears and just wanders by like 'oh yea, that's my goat stew' 😱 

We invented the Brexit cocktail which was just plain nasty. So, so bad but we got drunk and my head stopped hurting and I feel like it was fun even if I can't remember much. 

Then it's Sunday. I'm still hungry and I need to make pizza. Ever since I had my tooth out and struggling to eat I only wanted a trifle. So I searched Okinawa and there is not one. So I made one. What appears to be the only trifle in Okinawa! Perfect because habu sensei is coming! He is so cool. 

I can't ear much f what is happening, and my dad hurts too much to try and focus on the Japanese but just being there with these guys is enough for me. 

They say you become like the people you spend the most time with, If I spend enough time with the incredible people here maybe one day I can be just like them. 

I'm becoming a hybrid of Okinawa and England with Goya champuru as a main and English trifle as dessert! Ate the most food I've eaten in over a week (it wasn't much but it really helped!) 

I'm a bit deaf so can't hear anything and habu sensei tells me to eat this orange square (kinda touganzuki looking) thing that appeared at the table, can't really say no because everyone's staring at me. So I take a bite, it's fishy and salty and defiantly nothing like touganzuki. It's fish eggs In a block type thing. 

So this weekend I ate goat, and fish eggs and trifle. 

Habu sensei brought us some giant suiika too! I Really like the watermelon from here, so so different to what I've ever eaten in England. Perfect breakfast for tomorrow. 

Teeth Trouble

So last week I wake up one morning and my mouth feels a bit stiff and sore- first thought 'I don't remember getting hit at karate yesterday' I soon forget about it and go about my day. However over the next few days I end up with pain in my jaw all the time, I couldn't open my mouth much and I definitely couldn't eat. 

Hence after a couple of days of miserableness and hunger with no improvement, I find myself a dentist. 

He's a really nice guy who trained in New York and so speaks English well. We do X-rays and everything and he tells me I have a infection and so to go away for 5 days and take antibiotics and painkillers, then come back and he will take it out because it's pushing into my other teeth and there's no space in my mouth for it. That's what I did and yesterday he pulled it out and stitched up the gap with three stitches. Such a unlucky number. 

I only have one more bottom wisdom tooth left that hasn't come through yet and hopefully never will. 

Besides feeling like I had a fight with the hulk today it's not as horrific as I was expecting. Last night was a bit rough, I took the painkillers he gave me to take after the anasthetic and other ones he gave me wore off  but then I was sick a couple of times so I took some more, maybe too many as I don't really remember anything after about 7pm or maybe that's just how those ones worked.

I'm still super hungry and sore and tired but given a day or two and some proper food I think I'll be just fine. 

5 years.

On the 21st May 2011 we went to our first Matsubayashi Ryu Karate class. 

I had been doing aikido for 2 1/2 years before this and had given my brothers judo classes a go when I was younger. It seems though even from day 1 with the Okinawan karate it just clicked. It was the right thing for me. 

I love the kata, the kumite, the kihon, the people and the places it takes you. 

Everything about it is good. 

Sensei, Senpai, dojo mates and everyone else you meet along the way. We're all different yet all the same. 

I've just reached my 5 year mark and I wouldn't change it for the world. 

It's been the best and hardest thing I've ever done and I'm excited for the day that I reach my 50th year anniversary. 

Frank :)

This is Frank. He is a hamster. Our new little flatmate. 

As with most things in Okinawa we got him from makeman. He's just a baby so let's hope I can keep him healthy and happy for a long time yet. 

It's been a couple of weeks since I got him and he seems to be settling well. He loves sunflower seeds and he doesn't seem to be nervous or shy. 

He got a new chewstick that he seems to really like. I have a feeling he will need lots of time in his ball to run or he will become a chubby little Frank. 

Next is to try and start teaching him some tricks! 

Sensei's Birthday

We had a party for sensei's 73rd birthday earlier this month. 

We had it at James' house and the Canadian karate guys came and the Arakaki dojo. 

We had lots of food and cake, lots of drink. Foreworks and karate demonstrations. 

There was an archery off between Miyagi Senpai and James. 

It was a lot of fun and I think everyone had a really great time. 

I hope Sensei has many many more happy birthdays. 

Habu Sensei, Matsuda Sensei and Meobukan

Today was a good day, this cold is just starting to take hold but we were going to see habu Sensei and actually get to train with him tonight so nothing will stop that. 

We stopped by at the blue cave for snorkelling first- the ocean and the fish were incredible but the cave wasn't quite how the guide leaflets made it out to be! 

Got some oni giri and onto habu sensei's house. We had coffee together (he gave me another one of Soma sensei's mugs- now I have two very special cups!) 

Then we got to join in the kids class- there were so many of them! Habu Sensei is strict with the small ones but they all still love him. Matsuda Sensei was there too. We all swapped kata and got to try one of their own original ones that Matsuda Sensei made (I can't remember the name!) it's fast, snappy and very very cool. 

Then we all change and shower and go to the fish resturant. There was a LOT of beer and awamori plus lots of good food fish, sashimi, tempura, oni giri, Goya champuru and miso shiru. 

I really love to be around these Sensei, they're incredible people and karateka. 

The advice to heal my cold- take awamori and swish it around your mouth a bit- then blow it out your nose. 

Don't think I'll try that remedy yet!! 

We stayed at habu Senseis house and after dinner spent some time in the dojo drinking and chatting. 

Best part of the morning was that the boys clearly have a hangover and so habu Sensei gets the eggs from his ducks (they live on his little land next door where he grows veggies!) he cracks them raw into the cup and makes the boys drink it. I really really thought they were going to throw up. They didn't so we went to eat pancakes. 

I love bananas and I love pancakes, can't think of a better way to start the day. 

Then as a bonus we stopped at Yara castle ruins in chatan on the way to add another to my list. Don't think we saw it all though! It's a bit of a maze! 

I need to google earth the spot and go explore again when I'm feeling better. 

It's surprisingly close to Kyan Senseis memorial. 

Stopped at the supermarket on the way home, bought a giant box of Kleenex and some juice and went home to bed. 

You have to be ready.

I have a cold. Nothing majorly new or life threatening there. I have asthma too-  I've had lung issues ever since I was born  but as I've grown and got healthier (I.e less fat and fitter) it's become really well controlled - in a good month I take no medications at all- every now and again I forget I even have it. 

However, recently because of this  I have become complacent and am not as vigilant about ensuring I have a inhaler around should I ever need it. 

Well today I was reminded how incredibly scary it is to be unable to breathe, to feel your lungs closing and then to realise that the inhaler you need (and could literally save your life) is sitting at home on the desk. To have that panic that I can only imagine must be what drowning feels like. Feeling like a fish out of water. Keep doing karate, you'll be okay. Becoming lightheaded and feeling that the breaths you take are becoming shallower, feeling the mucous build up in your lungs but not having the strength or lung capacity to cough it out. You know trouble is coming when you stop coughing and wheezing- silence comes. 

Focus on getting home- get the inhaler and you will be okay. Don't be stupid next time, keep one everywhere just in case, traffic lights need to change, pins and needles in your hands, just breathe, a couple more minutes, relax, let your body take over it, it will keep you alive as long as possible, why did you get so complacent, don't be scared- it will be okay. 

Get home, key in the door, get the inhaler, take it- too fast, not enough breathed in, try again, hands shaking. It starts to work. Relax, take some more, feel safe now, you can breathe again. Within a few minutes everything feels okay again. Tired. 

Forgetting how potentially life threatening Asthma can be is a dangerous game to play.

The trigger, a cold I knew I had- therefore I should have been way more prepared for this. You live and learn, although I know some people that weren't as lucky to get another chance. 

I am healthier and fitter and have a LOT less issues than I did before which is great but clearly for me, this is one thing I'll have forever hence I'll need to be prepared for the worst forever, and so with the current cold and attack this morning I'll be spending the next month or two taking my steroid preventer inhaler, no doubt some more of my rescue inhaler and possibly some oral steroids in the next couple of days. 

Today has reminded me how far I've come- attacks like today's used to be a regular thing, I spent a long time on steroids and used that as a excuse for my weight, which made the asthma worse. A vicious circle. 

I'm lucky to be where I'm at but I still need to be careful. Just like karate I suppose- always be ready for worst outcome but do your best to never get into it. 

Kokoro, Greek food and Camping...

We went camping to ike jima again. We did this last year - I think around the same time. 

We went for the Little Greek Kitchen's Mayday/ Greek Easter party.

We had some incredible food, a beautiful beach (hammock to read in!) and great weather. 

The food was great- fresh Greek salad, lamb and rosemary and pitta bread with really good sauces. 

We had some food then went over to the beach to put the tents up. 

Pretty great view from the tent eh. 

The boys did archery while I finished reading my book in the hammock,  I got it recently and I was really enjoying it.  

It's called Kokoro. I was in the book shop and it caught me because it's a word I actually understand- it means heart. 

Not quite what I was expecting but nevertheless a brilliant book. 

 I went for a wander around the island- it's like what I imagine old Okinawa to be like. 

We have some more food - Pamela was incredible at looking after us (and everyone else) and we go to bed. 

I stayed up and watched the stars for a while- incredible what you can see when you're away from the light of the cities and houses. 

I didn't sleep much, lots of smoke from our fire (the wind kept changing) and being outside in general meant every sound woke me up.

On the plus side this happened at 6am. 

It felt as though the entire world was alsleep except me.

Everything was so quiet and peaceful and beautiful.  

We stayed at Pamela's for the morning and then we made our way home. 

Sunday was a good day. :) 

Sick!

I got sick. The sickest I've been since I got here. I think it was some sort of virus bug thing, but I felt really awful. 

I knew sensei's brother was coming from Wakayama  to train for a couple of days so it couldn't have happened at a worse time really. 

I spent three days in bed and then had to get up to go and see Seikitchi-San. 

He is SO sweet! He bought me mikan cookies- so thoughtful! I love mikans. 

We trained together- I did the best I could  considering I still felt really unwell. 

Then I'm starting to get back a bit more energy so decided it was time to clean the germs, everything went to the laundrette. 

Including Jeff. 

Poor Jeff. 

Everything's clean and fresh and almost back to somewhat normal now. As am i. Nearly. 

Pizza the old fashioned way

So today, I made pizza. 

That in itself isn't exactly unusual considering I make it at the bar a lot. However today was different because the mixer is broken right now. Seems a small issue, but first- pizza dough needs a lot of kneading and second- we're making more than just one or two pizzas, we're making 40 at a time!

Therefore I did it the old fashioned way- the way granny would ;) 

Now I have really strong arms. 

These pizza are extra special because they are completely handmade. 

I'm proud :) 

Never ever give up.

So things have been a bit hard recently, in all kinds on ways. Not ones I want to share with the world particularly but those who are close know and (I hope!) they understand. 

Seems what I need to do spends a lot of the day staring me in the face. 

Funny thing is, I got this written in Japanese so no one in England could understand it - except me. Now I'm here and everyone understands! Shoganai - there's nothing I can do about it now. I chose Japanese because I love Japan and Okinawa and the culture here. 

When I'm finding the world all too much of a big scary horrible place (I think as we all do sometimes) I like to go to probably my favourite place in Okinawa- the peace park. It is simply the most beautiful, calming place I've ever been. 

It's so big there's so many places besides the main section to go and explore, hide and reflect on everything. 

The idea of the peace park is all about having the 'Okinawan heart and spirit' -it's remembering and learning about the history of the island and life but forgiving and developing resilience to move on and keep going- I think I need to develop one of those! 

I think Okinawan people are incredible and hopefully by being here I can learn as much as I can off them. Which in turn will make me the best person I can be. 

The first step in doing that is to never ever give up. 

Paul ❤️

Recently my England dojo family has lost a member, a piece of our puzzle is now missing. 

I remember meeting Paul in my second ever karate class, we trained side by side for the first couple of weeks and then on the evening of Westy's shodan grading Russell and I got sent next door with Paul for the whole class to  warm up and learn Fukyugata Ni it was like being in the army- Sensei had to tell us to be quiet!  He was strict but kind and funny. 

He taught us in the way only Paul could. He welcomed us into the dojo. 

We got to know each other better at all the coming classes and events and seminars, we got on well and discovered he was probably one of the most genuinely caring people I've ever met who would do anything for anybody. 

Justin and Paul did my 5th kyu grading, he was a harsh judge but it was what I needed then, it was a couple of months before I came to Okinawa for the first time and I needed to take things a bit more seriously- he gave me the kick I needed to do that. It worked. Okinawa went well and the day I came back Sensei gave me my 4th kyu. 

He was the one which taught me early on how to stall Sensei when we wanted a break - simply ask the most in depth historical or technical question that comes to mind- Sensei can't help but fall into a nice long lecture ;) 

Funnily, he would then tell me I need to shut up and train! 

We had our differences and arguments in the 4 years we had training together but I think that's because we were both so similar and so passionate about what we were doing together. Karate. 

He was one of the most supportive people when I told him I would be going to live in Okinawa for a while. He gave me the best 'pep talk' the night before I left - basically he told me to shut up, listen and learn as much as I can and to come back and share everything, to help everyone improve and discover the true essence of karate. I've been trying my best to do that. I'll keep doing that. I will come back and teach anything and everything I can soon. 

It's horrible to think that we will never get to train together again - especially now I've grown up, learnt to shut up, got my black belt and been taught the rest of the kata. 

I remember watching the black belts in the dojo doing the higher Kata and dropping off one by one, as the kata got more and more advanced - even when Paul didn't really remember them he would not drop out. I really liked that about him. 

One of my favourite memories was when he would come to karate late and the downstairs door was locked- he started throwing a variety of objects at the window to get our attention. There were a lot of heads sticking out the windows that night. 

After being in Okinawa I've come to learn how fundamentally important dojo families and loyalty is and Paul understood this without ever coming to Okinawa. Everytime I do Fukyugata Ni I'll think of you, you taught me a lot and I'll continue to learn. 

What can I say, no words describe it all and I don't think it will hit me 100% that you're actually gone until I come back to the dojo and not see you there. 

You were my senpai and my friend, you loved karate and your karate family- we loved you too, which is why there's such a big hole in our puzzle now, a hole that no one else will fit, and so we will remember you and all the good times we had and train hard, as you did and as you would want us to. We will miss you. 

Thank you for being a part in my journey Paul. 

Carrots, cake and the last day of school

So recently I've been so crazy busy, I've been starting writing posts and not finishing or uploading them so I'll just do all of that now. 

There was a day a couple of weeks ago where all I wanted to do was eat cake, now I haven't found a cake I really like that I can buy on the island yet and so naturally this means I need to bake it if I want one. We went to karate in the morning and then James and I went to the reuse shop to try and find a chair to go with my desk, we got one. I also got the coolest new knife set. Very excited to be chopping everything up! 

Then I will go to the bar to make my cake, I wanted to make coffee and chocolate cake but James got choice because I forgot my keys in his car and he had to drive back to mine to give them to me. 

James chose carrot cake. Not exactly a surprise, he doesn't get bored of it. Ever. 

As carrots must be in season and were so cheap I made lots of ninjin shiri shiri for breakfast to go with my rice and soup. 

It's basically stir fried carrots and onions with egg (and I added a bit of bacon). It's good. 

I'm going to add in other bakes I've done recently here too. 

I make the pizza for the bar, today I got a bit bored of all the rectangles and so I made a octopus: 

A leg fell off so I ate it. As you do. 

I've also been trying to eat and make more fish, considering it's so cheap and there's so much of it here. 

I made these chilli and lime fish cakes. 

And I made cheesecakes, two for seli's birthday and one for Habu Sensei. 

I did a triple chocolate one, mixed berry one and a chilli, lime and vanilla one for habu Sensei. 

I think he liked it! He wouldn't exactly tell me if it was terrible anyways!!